Hopeless
>> February 11, 2009
Have you ever felt hopeless? I mean you have a problem and you cannot think of a way to fix it no matter how hard you try! I want to keep this space happy but it's hard because that is how I am feeling right now. Especially today. I guess everything is just hitting me today (must be pms, lol). And I feel guilty for feeling this way because there are people so much worse off then me right now My god!! But just crap!! crap crap crap!
We are freaken broke! I mean.. zero cash until Mike gets paid on friday and a very empty fridge. We have food, but not alot. I hate that feeling. I hate telling my kids they cannot have a glass of milk cause we need to save it for cereal. I hate telling them they can only have 1 apple today because we need to save them so that they will have 1 for tomorrow. I hate counting out the soy milk for Gabbi to make sure she has enough for her bottles.
This year seriously sucks ass financially for us! Mike's pay was cut by $300 starting in January. Plus we have so many unexpected bills. License renewals, parking ticket, dentist for the kids, car problems.. it just goes on and on. We only have 1 credit card and it has a low limit.. we need to keep it clear because we may have to put our property taxes on it which will fill it completely. We have a maxed line of credit. I know alot of people will turn up their noses and say we got ourselves into this mess and that is true! Totally, but what is a mother to do when she only has a certain amount of money each month for food and she runs out! Is she suppose to let her kids go hungry.. or does she take money off the line of credit and buy her family food! Is she supposed to not buy her daughter a winter jacket! Is she to have no presents under the tree for her kids! Does she tell her kids that Santa won't be coming this year!
It's not like we don't have people in out loves that we could ask for help.. but then how do we pay them back? That's just borrowing from Peter to pay Paul. We were counting on a bonus and raise for Mike but instead he gets a pay cut and told to be thankful he at least has a job. Which we totally are!!!
Anyways I just wanted to vent.. I actually feel a little better. thanks so much for listening :)
xo Sebrina
ps: Please feel free to commiserate with me. share your story. whatever :)
21 comments:
same story, different faces. unfortunately. i spent the weekend with my sister and we spent a lot of time talking about frugality. like frugality was a word that even entered our vocabulary before. now it is a way of life. frugal. all the time. should i, no i better not.
Well you are certainly not in the boat alone.....we are right there beside you. I lost my job(par-time) in January and I am still trying to find another one. Even though I didn't make alot of money it was the difference for all those things you are talking about. I too am "rationing" food, my kids think we are "poor" although I gave them a long talk on that. We are seriously considering selling our house and downsizing but not sure we can get out of this house what we would need too. Yes, people can say that we got ourselves into this too but everyone makes their choices based on what is happening in their life at that moment and noone knows what is going to happen down the road. I know that it will all work out somehow it always does but it's hard to see that when you're in the middle of it.
Sending you a big hug!!('cuz they're free!!!!!!!)
Steph :-)
Sending one back at you Stephanie!! Thanks for sharing.. you too Margie!
You always do so much for brightening my day.....I wish I could do the same for you right now.
I'm sorry that you are in this situation right now, but don't lose hope.
Sebrina, I know the possibility of its making money is a small thing, now, but it'll grow- you're very talented, so take money for your photography, get your dolls, quilts etc into specialty shops, do a book on Blurb etc. It may not be a lot, but it'll be that little extra.
Hope things get better.
Oh Sebrina, I totally hear you. Healthy food is REALLY expensive. i can hardly believe what I spend a month on food to feed my family. We had a few unexpected things come up this month so I am trying to spread out the milk too! My friend calls it the pantry challenge. You search through your cupboards and try to find meals with only ingredients you have. It is actually incredible what you can come up with. I buy as much as possible organic, but lately I have been buying less. Some things like white flour, or sugar I just think "well if its bad for you anyways, does being organic make a difference?" It is amazing how much that can save. I am also doing what you do and only go once a week to the store.
Have you ever thought of doing childcare in your home? Even one little girl who is Gabbi's age would give you around 500 more a month. Or there are tons of people needing part time care. That is better because you never get sick of the kids. We pay the bills and eat with the money Salaash makes and then my daycare money goes into adoption and our trip to Kenya. It is almost like we don't even count it at all, unless something big comes up. What about your friend who wants you to photograph her daughter? How about you say yes???? You are an incredible photographer and anyone should/would be willing to pay you for your service.
Do you have any bottles for recycling? That can give you another 10 or 15 for milk. Do you you have any friends you can borrow a winter jacket from until next year? What about 2nd hand? Any books to take to a 2nd hand book store? Believe me I have been there.
I am thinking of you. PMS would make it all a billion times worse-for me anyways. Just remember that it is a great lesson for your kids to learn that food costs money and it isn't easy to get.
Take care,
Natasha
oh Sebrina,....I am so with you! money seems to ebb and flow..although for us its never flowed enough to give us more then paycheck to paycheck. Adam and I had the discussion last month (and 2 months before that...and 2 months before that) where we were trying to figure out a way to cut our grocery bill. I try not to panic when conversation leads that way but its hard not to when my health is so dependant on what I put into my body. We ended up re mortagaing this month...it was a must becuase we are waiting for our house to sell and sinking with bills that eat up our grocery money faster then a family of 6!! Now we don't have the debt, which mean that at least we're not sinking as fast, but scraping by is still the name of the game.
I'm holding on to our vision. Somehow I know it will manifest. I have no idea how...I just feel it. As scary as it is to be in this place of uncertanty I truly believe it is just a passing phase...it will go, it might very well appear again at some point in our lives but we are strong, and we can handle it! Struggles like this give us the ability to truly appreciate a full fridge and a few extra dollars for a snack in town on the way home from this that or the other thing.
I second what the other ladies were saying about your work...why not try to persue photography a little more? I know doing just about anything extra is a LOT for a home schooling mama of 4 BUT it just might be enough to keep a few extra dollars in your pocket and some inspiration in your soul. I am starting my Doula business this spring, now that Noah is 2 1/2 and not nursing in the night anymore. It won't bring home much but it will be enough to help (I might even put it away for our adoption...still haven't figured out how wer're going to pay for that...sigh)
anyway, now that I've practicly written a book...sending you ((hugs)) and thoughts of cooking dried beans into a yummy mexican something (dried beans are super cheep and easy to cook!...although you probably already know that :) )
Okay, I know it sounds totally lame and extremely ghetto, but if you want some quick cash (and lets face it, that's what we all want in this situation, right?) find something around the house that you don't need and sell it on Kijiji! We do this ALL the time with stuff we no longer use and we always have good luck with recovering a decent value for our stuff! Nick sold some 4 year old stereo speakers the other day and they sold in hours! Any of Gabbi's baby toys/gear you don't need?
Anyway, told ya it was ghetto. But its normally quick, and its always great to pass on something you no longer use but could still have some value to someone else!
As stated before me... I'm in the same boat... I'm working at the university and attending while the husbands job is getting cut to half days!!! argh!
Not to mention tax time is right around the corner!
our daughter's birthday was yesterday and she didn't understand why she didn't have a gift from momma and daddy... well because we have to wait until dad gets paid!!!
It hurts in the pit of your stomach... I know...
I'm sorry. Something has to happen!
sorry you are going through this and I wish you were right around the corner so I could give you a big hug!
I'm so sorry. I just want you to know that I've been in this position many times. Every time I felt hopeless, something came along, some small little gift from the universe that made a big difference. So, please don't feel hopeless. Something will come along to help.
Hugs!
I'm so sorry that so many of us are struggling right now!! Doesn't it just suck! Don't you wish the money fairy would come for a visit to your house :)
My mom came by today with a few groceries for us and we should be fine until Friday :)
I wish it would end there though.. I wish the money fairy would come!!!!
Hey Sebrina,
I'm not sure if you're looking to bring in extra money yourself but if you are, one suggestion might be to do a small catering business. Before Maya came home, I worked at an office where we brought in lunch for all the employees quite often- for meetings or special events. Our favorite lunch was homemade soup with freshly made buns and a salad.
Just a thought.
Hope that things get better,
Courtney
Another idea for extra money would be opening an Esty shop to sell your photography, cards, magnets, whatever you can create from your photos or a Cafe Press site - same thing.
I've been there, too, and I know the feeling well. Thankfully I got a good raise last year (first one in four years) or I'd still have that sinking feeling in my stomach.
If I was the money fairy I would visit you and all of those who are in need. Big Hugs to all of you out there in the same boat...it will turn around. Keep your chin up.
We've all been there and it's really great to vent! We bought our condo during the adoption process and watched as it not only once but twice tried to bankrupt us with levies! The condo was supposed to bring us peace of mind for not having rent payments anymore. But there are days when I would give it all up for renting some shabby basement suite again just to have bucks in the bank....
Hang in there. Something will present itself as the answer.
I want to say first that I like you even more for sharing this. I like that.
I know people are struggling all over the world right now. We are doing fine but it is tight. I have been thinking of taking a job but my kids are busy teens and we have set a standard that I should stay home until they enter college. It is frustrating.
I do not know what your faith is or what you believe but I just want to say keep your chin up. If your kids are getting a good dose of reality right now, that never hurts. Don't feel guilty, just push forward.
sebrina-i think a lot of people are feeling this way these days...this global economic crisis is hitting people in a very real way and tho' we never thought we'd be in the position of wondering how to feed our families, many people are.
as i see it you have a potential way out (tho' it may take a bit of time)...your beautiful photos! put them up on etsy, link to it when you post them on flickr and i'm sure you'll soon have orders rolling in!!
venting these things are what blogs are for. and the comments should let you know you're not alone!! i hope that helps!
xoxox,
/julie
this is a bad year for so many. i am sorry for your struggles. hang in shower them with all the love you have. i cut corners everywhere i can. i thrift shop for almost all their clothes, and maybe you can find a food network up there? we have one here called angel food network. it is SO cheap and you pick up once a month. it is through a church , but we do not go to the church. it is national here...
http://www.angelfoodministries.com/
just a suggestion to help with the food.
After reading this post last night I couldn't get you out of my mind. Today too, you have popped in and out of my thoughts. I wish I could do something. I wish I could help. It kills me when a friend is hurt or struggling and I feel like my hands are tied. I keeping positive thoughts in mind for you and family. No one desarves to have to ration food to their kids, least of all you.
If I can help, please let me know.
Stinky pinker, that sucks. I agree with all of the great idea that everyone else has shared, and I hope it gets easier soon. :) I just checked out your Etsy shop, and it looks great!
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